Blonde Jokes
1. Attempt To Murder :
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
2. Boyfriend :
Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.
"What's wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol.
"It's my boyfriend," gushes Judi. "He was working on the engine under the bonnet of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!"
"My god," shrieks Carol. "Did it chop off his WHOLE finger!?"
"No thank goodness," sniffs Judi. "But it was the one just next to it!"
3. Blonde Driver :
A young blonde female stock broker was bored with her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides, every other broker in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
She visited a local car dealer and saw a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with it's gorgeous lines and red paint. An empty cheque stub later and off she was, tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car.
Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the stereo, what could possibly be better? What could possibly go wrong?
As that thought crossed her mind, there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded that she didn't have a clue as to what was wrong. She grabbed her pocket phone and called the AutoClub. A short while later a bright shiny yellow tow truck pulled up behind her.
'That's a lovely car,' says the mechanic. 'What seems to be the matter?'
'Well, it just conked out I'm afraid.'
'Let me have look.' He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.
'Thank goodness,' she said. 'What was the matter ?'
'Simple really, just crap in the carburetor,' he replied.
Looking shocked she asked, 'Oh, OK. How many times a week do I have to do that?'
4. Hair Cut :
A blonde goes to get her hair cut.
The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?"
The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"
5. She Was So Blonde That :
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
She studied for a blood test.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She sold the car for gas money!
