Celebrity Jokes
4. Give Back My Glove:
I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.
When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.
I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, not anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!
5. Wisdom Of Supermodels :
ON COURAGE
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind."
-Cindy Crawford
ON POVERTY
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-Beverly Johnson
ON FATE
"I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that."
-Christie Brinkley
ON ARRIVING
"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take."
-Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island'
ON PRIORITIES
"I would rather exercise than read a newspaper."
-Kim Alexis
ON INNER STRENGTH
"I love the confidence that makeup gives me."
-Tyra Banks
ON TRAVEL
"I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen anything. I don't really care."
-Tyra Banks
ON BREAKTHROUGHS
"Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in volleyball and modeling."
-Gabrielle Reece
ON HEREDITY
"My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him, What if she's ugly? You're ugly.'"
-Beverly Johnson
ON THE BASICS
"It's very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you throw on an old T-shirt or sweats, it's not inspiring for your workout."
-Cheryl Tiegs
ON PARADOX
"Sometimes I get lonely, but it's nice to be alone."
-Tatjana Patitz
ON TRAGEDY
"The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles, but I had on thick tights underneath."
-Naomi Campbell
ON INSTINCT
"If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some
crackers."
-Carol Alt
ON OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS
"I tried on 250 bathing suits in one afternoon and ended up having little scabs up and down my thighs, probably from some of those with sequins all over them."
-Cindy Crawford
ON ECONOMICS
"I don't even wake up for less than $10,000 a day."
-Linda Evangelista
ON THOUGHT
"When I model I pretty much go blank. You can't think too much or it doesn't work."
-Paulina Porizkova
ON DEPRIVATION
"If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time."
-Linda Evangelista
ON MOTIVATION
"It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to, and I would."
-Kate Moss
ON VERSATILITY
"I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak."
-Linda Evangelista
