Couple Jokes

1. 40th Wedding Anniversary :

John asks his wife what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
"Would you like a new mink coat?" he asks.
"Not really," she replies.
"Well, how about a new Mercedes sports car?"
"No," she responds.
"What about a new vacation home in the country?"
She again rejects his offer with a, "No thanks."
"Well, what would you like for your anniversary?"
"John, I'd like a divorce!" she demands.
"Sorry, dear, I wasn't planning to spend that much!"

2. A Girl's Best Friend :

After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car is a hurry, and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were kissing passionately, Carl slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time, Mary didn't get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary, "There comes a time when even the best of friends must part."

3. Driving The Wrong Way :

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 401. Please be careful!"
"Darn," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

4. Idiot Husband Went Fishing :

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife.
"What a terrible weather today honey," he said to her.
"Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!"

5. Wedding Cake :

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realize the germs in our drinking water. But, there is something that is perhaps more dangerous than anything else."
The dietician peered into the crowd and asked, "Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"
A handful of people in the audience raised their hands with possible answers.
"Yes, you, sir, in the first row," said the dietician. "Please give us your idea."
The man grinned and blurted, "Wedding cake!"