Doctor Jokes

1. 62 And Pregnant :

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?
The young doctor continued writing and without looking up asked, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

2. Dentist :

The beautiful young lady in the dentist's chair was nervously wringing her hands. "Oh dear," she said, "I'm so nervous. It's so frightening. I think I'd rather have a baby than my teeth seen to."
"Well," replid the dentist, "which would you like the most just let me know and I'll adjust the chair and my clothes accordingly."

3. Birth Control Pills :

When I was a public health nurse, I had a young patient who was pregnant for the third time in less than 3 years. I asked her if she used any birth control and she said that we took birth control pills. I asked her to bring them to me so that we could talk about what she was doing, the dosage and whether or not she needed to change to another type of birth control.
With that, she went to the bedroom and came back with . . . vaginal foaming pills (about the size of a Necco wafer). She said, "I've been taking them just like the doctor told me - every time I have sex I take one. They're hard to swallow but I manage."
I sat there for a moment trying to control the hysterical laughter that was rising and ready to burst out of me. I had visions of those foaming tablets bubbling up out of her mouth. I finally grasped onto my professionalism and said in a somewhat stifled (but controlled) voice said, "You were supposed to insert those vaginally every time you had intercourse - not swallow them."
Her reply was, "Now I know why they didn't work." Needless to say, I had some teaching to do and a new form of birth control to get for her!!

4. Good And Bad News :

A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news."
The man, taken back, asks hesitantly, "What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life."
"Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?"
The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

5. Pregnancy Pain :

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, 'Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?'
The doctor answered, 'Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain.'
'I know, but can't you give me some idea?' she asks.
'Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little...'
'Like this?'
'A little more...'
'Like this?'
'No. A little more...'
'Like this?'
'Yes. Does that hurt?'
'A little bit.'
'Now stretch it over your head!'